“Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along.” – Rae Smith

There becomes a point in life when you realize that it will never be the same ever again. For everyone it appears differently. I looked at a photo of myself today and I hated what I saw. I literally didn’t recognize her. I was tagged in a post and it actually took me a couple seconds to realize that the completely drained woman with noticeable bags under her eyes and wrinkles was actually myself. And that was the moment, the moment i realized that life just isn’t going to be the same again.

A friend has said to me numerous times that divorce is just like grieving for a loved one. It is grieving. It is realizing that the one person that has been a constant, a backbone, a best friend… never mind all of the family and friends that came with that individual… its all gone. I am not sure how someone is supposed to deal with that. With death, you know the person isn’t there to run to… that seeing them, doesn’t need to be a ‘right or wrong’ issue, because it’s just not an option. Constantly playing moments over in your mind, the heart ache, the loneliness. It’s a physical pain that you feel when you loose a love one, death or not. And just when you think that you’re going to be able to conquer this, a wave comes over you and it can seriously rock your world.

I keep reading that its normal to feel this way. To want so badly to repair yourself from years of being broken, to only feel worse. But it is part of the journey. The rollercoaster. Your life may never be the same again, that part is true. But you have to accept what it is, let go of what it was, and have faith in the future; what will be.

“And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life” – J.K. Rowling